Archive for the ‘Randomness’ Category

Blogs Away

May 30, 2006

My submissions will tell you about things that suck and things that don't suck. My opinion should be your opinion; if you are not convinced by my articles then by sound logic you must be illiterate. It is fitting that I begin by expressing my disdain for blog people (not "bloggers", since the term "blogger" gives credence to these losers who should be shunned like lepers). Yes, I realize that this is technically a blog site, but I am not a hypocrite. Allow me to explain. Blogs are primarily online diaries about boring people. I wouldn't be pretentious enough to assume that anyone wants to read about my boring life, and neither should you. If you have a blog about yourself follow these simple steps:

1. Step away from your keyboard.
2. Sever your internet connection-permanently.
3. Quit being a conceited prick.

Your life is boring. Only few people would be worthy of having true blogs. People that matter. Not you. Emporers, badass martial artists, and leprechauns could have justified blogs because people might want to read about that. Notice I didn't say celebrities. People who want to read about celebrities should sterilize themselves and do the world a favor. I'll probably do an entire article on these low-life bastards at some point because I really hate them. Anyway, blogs are also a good way to get your foot caught in your mouth. It seems like everyday someone gets in trouble for putting content online that should be private. Stupid people. I'm not embarassed about my articles and never will be. Besides if anyone ever gets upset about them, I will summon my strong, gigantic friend and have him crush you. I'm smart enough to realize that I can't take on every crazy douchebag, so I mastered summoning to have the dirty work done for me. One last thing, lest you think I care about whether or not people read this site, you are wrong. If millions of people read it and get a laugh, good. If no one ever visits the site, fine. I won't cry myself to sleep over it, especially since I have other things to cry about, like people who write blogs.

Point-Counterpoint

May 24, 2006

Point: All the bureaucracy is starting to piss me off.

By: John Q Public         

Man I am tired of all the red tape in the world today.  If I want to get anything done it takes 5 times as long and takes so much more work.  It is just so unnecessary.  I am amazed that anything ever gets done in this country anymore.  My job has become all paperwork without substance.  I am bogged down at home with tax paperwork and bills.  I can’t stand it anymore.

Counter-Point: Please fill out form 5743A in triplicate and wait 6 to 8 weeks

By: Bureaucrat #47214923         

If you want a statement from my office regarding this subject please visit public affairs and fill out form 4253, then go to the executive office and get the signatures of not less than 3 of the 5 offices there.  Then acquire the… (edited for length)… then fill out form 5743A and I can have my response to you in 6 to 8 weeks.