Author Archive

Blogs Away

May 30, 2006

My submissions will tell you about things that suck and things that don't suck. My opinion should be your opinion; if you are not convinced by my articles then by sound logic you must be illiterate. It is fitting that I begin by expressing my disdain for blog people (not "bloggers", since the term "blogger" gives credence to these losers who should be shunned like lepers). Yes, I realize that this is technically a blog site, but I am not a hypocrite. Allow me to explain. Blogs are primarily online diaries about boring people. I wouldn't be pretentious enough to assume that anyone wants to read about my boring life, and neither should you. If you have a blog about yourself follow these simple steps:

1. Step away from your keyboard.
2. Sever your internet connection-permanently.
3. Quit being a conceited prick.

Your life is boring. Only few people would be worthy of having true blogs. People that matter. Not you. Emporers, badass martial artists, and leprechauns could have justified blogs because people might want to read about that. Notice I didn't say celebrities. People who want to read about celebrities should sterilize themselves and do the world a favor. I'll probably do an entire article on these low-life bastards at some point because I really hate them. Anyway, blogs are also a good way to get your foot caught in your mouth. It seems like everyday someone gets in trouble for putting content online that should be private. Stupid people. I'm not embarassed about my articles and never will be. Besides if anyone ever gets upset about them, I will summon my strong, gigantic friend and have him crush you. I'm smart enough to realize that I can't take on every crazy douchebag, so I mastered summoning to have the dirty work done for me. One last thing, lest you think I care about whether or not people read this site, you are wrong. If millions of people read it and get a laugh, good. If no one ever visits the site, fine. I won't cry myself to sleep over it, especially since I have other things to cry about, like people who write blogs.